I Lost Sight of Me!

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Writing is like meditation to me, it restores clarity and maintains calm in my life. Since I started studying Law/Criminology and Justice, almost a month ago, my writing time has been sucked up, and this makes me antsy.

With a (now dreaded) trip to the UK in the midst, I have no choice but to get ahead of the workload in order to take time off. The study is fascinating, and I could spend hours in the Law Libraries reading cases, but a sense of crazy comes over me when I spend too much time away from my writing.

It’s not unlike an addiction…although, I’ve not really ever suffered one, unless you include caffeine, oh, and I used to smoke cigarettes back in the day when I was modelling and too scared to put food in my mouth for fear of gaining a gram. I imagine it to be somewhat similar to the craving of going too long between cups, or inhaling a stick of nicotine.

This new path of study I have embarked on resembles a sketch atop a once perfect picture of who I am and where I saw my life heading. Yet, all the while I’ve been trying to work out why I insisted on fixing what wasn’t broken. I guess what I failed to realise was that my career choice was not the part of me that was in need of fixing.

I lost sight of me and what makes my heart sing.

Last weekend I thought I had all the answers. I was floating on cloud nine, and not even a week later, the carpet was ripped from beneath me. If my feet had been planted firmly on the path that was meant for me, the affect would’ve been a mere ripple and not the tsunami I’ve experienced over the past two days.

Writing is a part of me and I won’t ever lose sight of that again.

Renee x

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2 thoughts on “I Lost Sight of Me!

  1. Feel your pain and totally understand. I have to allow work and study to come first and with a good wind and even more hard work at least the study part will be done. We can’t do it all to the best level possible if we have to devote less to it. I am leaving writing until study is done as I know that will leave me less burned out trying to do it all… Blessings. Whatever you choose to do make sure it is not depleting you. Be well and good luck finding the balance that works for you

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    1. Thank you, Apolonia. Balance is often so hard to find. The last few weeks have tested me and almost broke me, especially after I trusted someone who I thought cared and obviously didn’t. Writing and sharing this difficult time has helped more than I thought it would, after I got over the initial embarrassment of pouring my heart out for all to read. Your post about meditation was the perfect reminder to find the balance within my self and then all else will follow. A powerful tool I wasn’t using to its fullest. Thank you for your support and for sharing your wisdom. I wish you all the very best with your studies. You’ve got this! xx

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